New Jew
by Original
Summary: I got sick of stupid people asking stupid questions, so I created Chaya. She and the ever tactless Ron have a...little...encounter in the Great Hall. Complete OneShot
1. Foot meet Mouth

**AN:** Hello peoples! I wrote this during English class, when I was supposed to be working on my book review for an exam grade. I didn't write this to offend anyone, and if you are then you can kiss my a. I feel entitled to write whatever I want about Judaism because I am a Jew. Besides, I wrote this after someone asked me some of the most retarded questions about being Jewish. So, to sum up my rambling fit: I am Jewish, and I am not JK Rowling because she isn't Jewish and she is filthy rich. Don't sue me, I don't own anything!

**New Jew**

"'lom, yeladim."

The entire Gryffindor table turned to look at her as she sat down. Untroubled, Chaya piled her plate high with scrambled eggs, some questionable looking bacon, and ketchup. After a strange, garbled stream of noise left her mouth, the transferred sixth year began to eat at a rate that left Ron Weasley in the dust. When she finished (in a record breaking three point eight seconds), she finally noticed the stares.

"What? Never seen a Jew eat before?" Her tone of voice was light, and a smile danced around her mouth. Ron Weasley, insensitive pureblood extraordinaire, decided that it had been too long since his foot was intimately acquainted with his mouth.

Leaning across the table, he peered at her like she was a shiny new Nimbus before asking, "What's a Jew? Is it some kind of creature that can mate with wizards? I thought you seemed a bit inhuman, what with your strange speech – and you look funny! Is a Jew a dark creature? What powers do you have?" Every muggleborn at the table froze in shock, and as Ron's speech echoed throughout the Great Hall, every table turned to watch Chaya; the purebloods in interest, and the muggleborns in shocked dismay.

Chaya looked across the table and smiled pleasantly. A cold fire seemed to creep down Ron's spine and settle in his stomach.

"Oh no, Ron. Jews are so much more then that. We are all born with the same innate powers, but some generations have a stronger affinity for them then others."

Eyes darting around as if in search for an escape route, Ron took the bait. Open mouth, insert foot. "What powers are those?"

Chaya's eyes were twinkling now, but not in the amused, comforting manner of Dumbledore's. "Oh, some run of the mill discrimination, anti-Semitism, greed, protection against disease, and bad luck. Oh!" Her eyes got big in a faked expression of surprise as she raised her hand to cover her twitching mouth. "Can't forget the horns!"

Again, Ron stupidly opened his mouth to insert his foot. "What horns?"

"Well, you see Ron – I can call you Ron, right? Okay, good – you see, Jews are all the minions or the spawn of Satan – it all depends on who you ask. As such, Jews are recognizable by their red horns and pointed tails. Or you could simply crash one of our ritual sacrifices. Passover would be a good time, and then we use the blood of Christian babies to make our matzos. See you in Defense Against the Dark Arts first period. Maybe we could be partners?"

With that said Chaya got up and walked to the door, swinging her hips and humming a tune. Every single eye was on her, until Hermione turned to Lavender and asked, "Did anyone else notice that she wasn't in uniform?"

_finite_

**AN:** The words you don't understand are Hebrew transliterations. Next chapter, since this is a one-shot, will be a glossary. I'll upload it tomarrow...or today since it's 1:35...And everything I had Chaya (pronounced as Hi-ya, except the H is from the back of the throat) rant about is something that I have been asked about. I hate stupid people.


	2. Appendix A

**AN:** Well, I realized people might have some questions about other things I mentioned, so this is a little bit more then a glossary. Sort of like an appendix, I guess.

* * *

'lom – abbreviated for Shalom, which is Hebrew for hello. 'lom is the Hebrew equivalent of hi.

Yeladim – Hebrew for children or teenagers (plural). It's how I personally address my peers.

Chaya – It's a Hebrew name that is derived from Chai, which means life. Pronounced Hi-ya, with the H coming from the back of the throat.

'some questionable looking bacon' – I was implying that it is fake bacon, because real bacon is unkosher. Meaning that it is against the laws of kashroot to eat it, not all Jews keep kosher.

'After a strange, garbled stream of noise left her mouth' – this is Chaya speaking in Hebrew. She is saying a prayer before eating, called the Moatzi.

discrimination – look it up in the history books, no race has been discriminated against as often or as long as the Jewish people.

anti-Semitism – hate for all things Jewish

greed – stereotype of Jews as greedy

protection against disease – Jews were blamed for the black plague because they didn't get sick. In reality, it is because they kept kosher that they didn't get sick.

bad luck – Never heard of a more unlucky race of people.

minions or the spawn of Satan – a belief that started many inquisitions, crusades, and wars against Jews.

red horns and pointed tails – because 'Satan is our master,' we have horns and tails like he does. I've actually had people ask me how I hid my horns.

ritual sacrifices – another excuse used to persecute Jews throughout history. Passover Matzos (which is disgusting) was said to be made with the blood of Christian babies.

**AN:** Please feed the poor authoress. She does nothing but fanfiction now and without reviews to revitalize her, her muse goes on long coffee breaks. Insomnia is not what gets my creativity going, it is reviews! So please, I already don't sleep, give me something to read while I should be sleeping!


End file.
